GROVER NORQUIST WANTS TO BUY HIMSELF A CONGRESSMAN! WILL JACK ABRAMOFF BE CAMPAIGNING SOON FOR KEITH THE CANDIDATE ROTHFUS? DID PAT ROBERTSON SEND IN NORQUIST FOR ROTHFUS! WESTERN PA VOTERS NEED TO UNDERSTAND ROTHFUS’S TIES TO PAT ROBERTSON!

KEITH THE CANDIDATE’S ROTHFUS’S BOEHNER BREAKFAST FUND-RAISER AT THE ALLEGHENY COUNTRY CLUB HAD THAT CLANDESTINE ATMOSPHERE OF A CRIME FAMILY SUMMIT, BUT THEIR FOOD IS BETTER. AT FIRST SIGHT, WE MISTOOK THE HEAVILY BRONZED SPEAKER FOR ONE OF CASINO JACK’S CASINO INDIANS. WE REALLY FELT SORRY FOR MR. BOEHNER WHO IS OBVIOUSLY BEING HELD HOSTAGE BY THE TEA PARTY. WE WOULD HAVE LIKED TO HAVE RELEASED HIM FROM THE TEA PARTY’S GRIP BUT SATURDAY MORNING WAS NOT THE TIME. WE DID NOT SEE ANY OTHER JOURNALIST WHO WENT TO JOURNALISM SCHOOL LIKE SALENA ZITO, TIM McNULTY OR MR. PROSE COVERING THIS EVENT. TO OUR NOTABLY ABSENT FELLOW JOURNALISTS ALL WE CAN SAY IS YOU WERE THE LUCKY ONES. IF WE HAVE TO HEAR ANOTHER SPELLBINDER FROM FORMER FEMA OFFICIAL ROTHFUS ON HOW HE WANTS TO RELIGHT AMERICA, THEN WE ARE GOING TO PROJECTILE VOMIT, EVEN IF THIS GUT REACTION IS AGAINST COUNTRY CLUB RULES! THANK YOU SPEAKER CANTOR FOR ALLOWING US TO SEE FIRST-HAND THE ROTHFUS CRUSADE TO RETURN TO THE BELTWAY!